Refrains of the Heart Page 5

  When it was her, no matter how liberal and open-minded she’d thought herself, it was scary.

  She took a shower and ate dinner and tried to clear her head. She put on Jennifer’s album of the Spanish music. She looked at the sleeve, at the photos of Jennifer, and could picture her smiling, playing piano, laughing, teasing, thinking. Louise felt like she knew this woman so much, yet she’d hardly spent any time with her. Hadn’t even known her one week ago.

  There wasn’t anything scary about Jennifer. When she thought about her, Louise smiled. When she thought about more—kissing her and touching her—even that wasn’t really scary, not unless it was scary because of how exciting it was. But she thought about telling her mom and dad, about Mark finding out, about telling people at work, and she hated herself for how it made her quail. It wasn’t her. It wasn’t her life.

  Louise looked around the house that she’d shared with Mark. She thought about him, about her Blackberry with work e-mails, her small group of mostly work friends and Mark’s friends. She realized that the only thing that made her happy in this house was that painting and wondered carefully if she even wanted her life to still be her life.

  Jennifer texted her that night, saying that she knew Louise needed time, but that she wanted to see her again when Louise was ready, and that she could pick up her art stuff from the campus office Monday. Louise didn’t reply. She turned the painting to face the wall and went to bed, deciding to try out her normal life again. She had a steady job, her own house, and her health. She knew people across the country right now would kill for her life. Passion and dreams and art were luxuries.

  She went into work on Monday morning early and greeted everyone happily. She worked hard in the morning, cleared her inbox, and felt content. Over lunch, she sat on her own in the break room. Afterward, in the same sort of unaware daze that she’d started painting Jennifer’s portrait in, she wrote her resignation letter and walked over to her supervisor.

  When she got home, still waiting for her brain to tell her why she’d done that, she called up two local realtors to come value her house to put it on the market. When she was done, she had another text from Jennifer. Have my last performance at the university hall tomorrow night, then I might be leaving town. Recital booking I can’t turn down. Ticket is reserved for you, please come.

  I’ll be there, she replied, and her daze faded. When it had, there was no fear left.

  Chapter Five

  Her ticket was in the front row. She exchanged friendly nods with the people on either side of her. She hadn’t wanted to come in too early or too late, so about half the seats were full. The box office had SOLD OUT stamped over tonight’s recital, so it seemed Jennifer’s popularity had spread since her performances last week. Louise felt an odd sort of protectiveness, smugness. All these people coming to see Jennifer and, of all of them, it was only her that Jennifer wanted to see.

  Louise looked down at the program she’d taken from the usher without looking. When she saw it, her breath caught in her throat because on the front page was a print of her art. The art she’d done two days ago, already here in color print. It was a digital photograph, but good quality, and it was hers. This was the first time she’d seen anything of hers in anything more official than the binding of her final year project and it felt incredible.

  It was a square on the intro page where usually there’d be an image of Jennifer, and underneath, it said Painting - Jennifer by Louise McAvoy. Used with thanks. It was as good a title as anything. It may as well have been titled Obsession with Jennifer, like she was telling the world how she felt and her face was hot with it, but no one knew who she was.

  Even if they did, she wouldn’t mind. That’s mine, she’d say. Jennifer’s mine.

  The lights dimmed and Jennifer walked on to applause. She was wearing dark red again, a long dress, strapless and simple, her hair loose and gorgeous. She was beautiful and Louise let it sweep through her, how much she wanted Jennifer, how much she felt for her, how much she’d changed Louise’s world in such a short time. It was crazy and inexplicable, like something from a book or movie, and it was perfect. It felt like Louise’s life up until then had been in limbo.

  Jennifer thanked the crowd and when she looked along the front row and saw Louise, she said “Thank you,” a second time. No one else knew it was just for Louise.

  Her performance was as breathtaking as the first time. It was different, though, of course, because Louise knew her, knew her performance, could see her quirks and individualities, could see where the Jennifer she recognized from her original pieces bled into the existing piece and made it come alive.

  It went too quickly, and at the same time, not quickly enough. Louise could have watched Jennifer play forever, but everything in her ached for it to be over so she could see her properly.

  When it was done, the audience applauded longer and louder than they had last time Louise had been there. Jennifer ducked her head and caught Louise’s eye as the applause trailed off.

  She smiled at Louise, then looked out over the audience.

  “Thank you for coming and thanks to the university for hosting me this week. Tonight is my last night in town. I have recitals booked in Europe starting next week, so I want to thank you for your hospitality in this great city.”

  Everyone applauded again as Jennifer left the stage, and Louise did too, but she was thinking, Europe?

  She waited awkwardly in her chair as everybody left and craned her head around until she saw Jennifer waiting in the wings of the stage, beckoning.

  Louise looked around as the last few people left the room, then scrambled up onto the stage, feeling odd and exposed, and hurried over to where Jennifer was waiting. She followed her backstage to the prep room.

  “Hi.” Jennifer played awkwardly with her hair. “Uh, thank you for coming.”

  “You’re going to Europe?” Louise clamped her hand over her mouth. She hadn’t meant to open with that. “Sorry.”

  Jennifer looked at her steadily. “My agent only confirmed it this morning. It’s a small collection of recitals across Paris and Berlin and maybe London. I couldn’t say no.”

  “No, of course,” said Louise automatically. “You leave tomorrow?” That didn’t make sense. Jennifer couldn’t just leave, not now.

  Jennifer bit her lip. “Why are you here?”

  “You asked me to come.”

  Jennifer nodded, and then stepped closer, reaching out. Just the thought of Jennifer being close to her again, touching her, made Louise’s heart rate pick up. “But I mean…are you?”

  “I’m sorry,” Louise said. Jennifer’s face changed. She dropped her hand and started to move away. “Jen, no!” said Louise quickly. She took up the distance with a step, reached out to grab Jennifer’s hand and pull her in close. “No, I meant, I’m sorry about the weekend. I freaked out. I shouldn’t have. I just—I hadn’t realized how I felt about you until that moment. I was stupid and oblivious, and it scared me. It was a lot to take in and I ran. I was cowardly.”

  “I’m sorry.” Jennifer looked up at Louise. “If I did anything to push you or—”

  Louise laughed and tugged Jennifer in a little closer. “No. God, no. I was—I think I was crazy about you the first night I saw you. I just didn’t figure it out. Please, can you kiss me again?”

  “God, yes.” Jennifer leaned up and in, and they were kissing.

  Louise dropped her hold on Jennifer’s arm and brought both hands up to cradle Jennifer’s face. Jennifer slid her arms around Louise’s waist and arched close. Her body was small, warm and lithe against Louise’s, and the swell of her breasts pressing against Louise’s felt new, exciting, and unbelievably sexy. She kissed Jennifer fiercely, their mouths opening wider against each other, Louise licking over the roof of Jennifer’s mouth, Jennifer catching her tongue and sucking on it slow and hot.

  Louise’s body lit up all over. Slow heat thrummed through her, intense and building. She could feel every inch of her s
kin, from her fingers cupping Jennifer’s cheek through to the sensitive awareness of her breasts, tingling down into her nipples. If they only had tonight she wanted to do anything and everything she could.

  She broke the kiss, but dragged her lips over Jennifer’s jaw and down her throat, not pulling away even an inch. “I want,” she murmured into the pulse in Jennifer’s neck, “I want everything. Fuck.”

  Jennifer pulled back enough to catch Louise’s eye. She was grinning, something small and mischievous. “Can you indulge me in something? Something I’ve been thinking about.”

  Louise raised an eyebrow, feeling giddy and reckless. “Sure. What?”

  Jennifer just smiled at her. “Stay there.” She left the room. Louise could hear her talking to someone, then footsteps leaving and lights going off in the recital hall outside.

  Jennifer appeared at the door. “Come on. I’ve asked the backstage staff to leave. I’ll finish up the closing down of the area.”

  “What are you planning?” Louise was wary, but amused despite herself. Jennifer just grabbed her hand and tugged, pulled her back through the corridor to the stage again. The curtains were pulled shut, so it was just the quiet private space of the stage behind them. The piano stood proud and spot lit in the middle of the stage.

  “Come here.” Jennifer pushed Louise down onto the stool in front of the piano.

  “What? Do you want me to play? I promise I’m awful.”

  “No.” Jennifer grinned. “Just something I was imagining while I was playing tonight.”

  She sauntered to Louise, the soft fabric of the dress clinging to the curve of her hips, and Louise’s mouth went dry. “Oh,” she said, then closed her eyes as Jennifer sat sideways in her lap and turned her head to kiss her.

  Louise grabbed Jennifer’s hips as the kiss turned dirty again and felt dizzy, giddy at the heat of her body so close through the dress, the soft weight of her ass between Louise’s thighs. “God.” She gathered Jennifer’s dress in her hands until she met the hot soft skin of Jennifer’s thigh. She urged Jennifer to throw one leg over hers, which she did without breaking the kiss.

  It was intensely intimate with Jennifer’s bare thighs pressed against Louise’s hips, her dress bunched up around her waist. Louise ran her hands up and down Jennifer’s legs, fingers playing over the strip of elastic of Jennifer’s panties, her ass and the heat of her between her legs so close. Jennifer was rocking softly but insistently into her, little sounds building in her throat.

  Jennifer breathed in deep when Louise broke the kiss. “I thought about this, thought about fucking you on this stool. I didn’t—I wasn’t sure you’d even want me. I didn’t think I’d get it.”

  Louise kissed down Jennifer’s neck, tasting the clean fresh tang of her skin, sucking over the knob of her collarbone, enthralled with all the delicate parts of Jennifer’s body. “I was stupid,” she said. “How could I not? You’re exquisite, every bit of you.” She kissed down until she brushed the top of the dress just where the swell of Jennifer’s breasts started. Louise looked up. “Can I?”

  “Yeah. Zipper.”

  Louise moved her hands out from under Jennifer’s dress and fumbled for the zipper at the back, pulled at it and tugged the dress down to bunch around Jennifer’s waist.

  Jennifer’s breasts were gorgeous, round and soft and beautifully bare. Louise ducked her head to mouth at them. She felt powerful and sexy, making Jennifer shake with the swipe of her tongue and seal of her lips. Jennifer moaned and shifted. Louise was startled at the clash of discordant notes. Jennifer had leaned back and supported herself on the open piano. Her toes were on the floor, her body arched gorgeously backward, pressing her breasts into Louise’s mouth.

  Louise worked Jennifer’s nipple over thoroughly, rolling it between her teeth and biting down lightly just to hear Jennifer moan. The she put her hand between Jennifer’s shoulder blades and pulled her forward to kiss her.

  “Oh God, you’re good with your mouth.” Jennifer gasped.

  Louise felt slow and stupid with Jennifer mostly naked in her lap. Her weight and motion sent little teases of friction between her legs. “Can—” Louise paused, dizzy and embarrassed and eager with the thought. “Can I taste you? I’ve been thinking about it. I’ve never—”

  “Lou.” The nickname sounded sweet from her. “You don’t ever have to ask that.”

  Louise’s mouth watered. She swept one hand under Jennifer’s ass and the other around her back, and stood, turning and setting Jennifer back down on the stool.

  Jennifer moaned, and lifted her hips to let Louise work off the dress. Then she spread her legs on the stool wearing nothing but her small, neat black panties.

  Louise knelt carefully on the floor in front of the stool between Jennifer’s spread thighs and looked up at her. “I’m nervous.”

  Jennifer touched the side of her face, her long fingers curving around Louise’s jaw. “It’s going to be good for me no matter what. Don’t think too much.”

  So Louise didn’t. She let her body shift into instinct like when she was painting, letting her unconscious mind do it for her. She slid Jennifer’s panties off, kissed along her thighs, then pressed her hands to the inside of Jennifer’s legs and pushed them open farther. Jennifer sighed and dropped her head back, tilting her hips up invitingly. The core of her was swollen and aroused, wetness gleaming where her lips separated and the slit of her red cunt peeked through. Louise shut off the analytical part of her mind and pressed her mouth to Jennifer.

  Jennifer reacted instantly, her thighs tensing around Louise’s head. Louise could feel the lassitude in her, the way that Jennifer was letting her take control now after she’d pushed before and Louise was grateful for it. She wanted to taste Jennifer everywhere. She realized Jennifer was allowing her to explore, to have this first time to herself all over again. She smiled and repeated the motion of her tongue. Jennifer wailed above her, shuddering and arching on the stool. It felt incredible. Her knees were sore on the hard floor and her jaw was starting to ache as she licked Jennifer eagerly, but she couldn’t feel it, not really. All she could feel was the hot, velvety clutch of Jennifer’s cunt around her fingers and the tangy, rich taste of Jennifer’s juices.

  Jennifer’s thighs went hard and tight around Louise’s head. She came fast and sudden. The vice-like spasms of her cunt relaxed into long, drawn out fluttering pulses. Louise pressed a few light kisses to Jennifer’s cunt as she came down.

  Jennifer rocked forward on the stool to rest her elbows on her thighs, head hanging forward as she caught her breath. Louise couldn’t help but feel a little bit smug. For a first time it seemed to have gone pretty well.

  Jennifer lifted her head and smiled at Louise, dazed. “You—” Her gaze and smile sharpened. “You’re wearing way too many clothes.”

  Louise had hardly noticed she was still totally dressed in her dark jeans and tight sweater. She’d been so focused on Jennifer, getting her naked and seeing her and making feel good. She’d been able to sense her own body’s reaction, of course, but it hadn’t seemed the important part. Until now, of course, with Jennifer looking at her like that.

  Jennifer stood up and backed Louise up against the piano, gloriously naked in contrast. She nipped at Louise’s lips. “That was amazing. Thank you.” Then she slid her hands under Louise’s sweater, hot against her belly, and Louise gasped, legs going to jelly.

  “This sweater does amazing things for you, but it’s got to go,” she said, stripping it off, staring at Louise in just her bra. When it had been Mark, that look had made Louise feel slightly uncomfortable, but somehow with Jennifer it just made her feel sexy and wanted. She leaned back on the piano, smiling at the tinkle and clash of notes. She let Jennifer undo her bra and cup her breasts, gasping when Jennifer squeezed them gently. She felt sensitized and responsive, like she’d die if Jennifer didn’t put her mouth on her. Jennifer suckled her nipple slow and hot, rubbing the flat of her tongue over it until Louise was worried she might
come just from that.

  “Oh, God, Jen, stop,” she said at last, shaking. Jennifer looked up, frowning until she saw Louise’s face. “Too much.”

  “You’re amazing.” Jennifer worked her fingers at Louise’s fly. “Let me see all of you.”

  Louise nodded, hoisting herself up onto the keys of the piano for a moment as Jennifer pulled her jeans all the way off, the crash of jumbled keys making her laugh. “Told you I couldn’t play the piano.”

  Jennifer smirked, pulled her close, and kissed her again. They were both naked now and the touch of so much skin against hers felt decadent.

  “What do you want?” whispered Jennifer.

  “Your hands,” said Louise immediately. Not that she didn’t want her mouth at some point, but Jennifer’s hands were something else, so elegant, long-fingered, talented. The sight of them dancing lightly over the keys had enthralled Louise from the start and now, God, the thought of those fingers inside her seemed delicious, exciting. “Please.”

  “Happily.” Jennifer kissed her and trailed her hand up the inside of Louise’s thigh slowly. Louise parted her legs as she leaned back onto the piano, letting Jennifer press in closer.

  Jennifer teased her, running her fingers along the crease of Louise’s thigh, so close but not where she wanted it. She ran her short neat nails over the trimmed patch of hair over Louise’s mound until the scratchy tickle made her moan and shift her hips restlessly. “Please, come on!”

  Jennifer laughed. “When I want to, darling, and no sooner.” But she relented the teasing somewhat, running one finger lightly between Louise’s lips, ghosting over her clit and dipping in to where she was wet, throbbing, and ready. She slid the tip of her finger just inside and Louise clenched around it as if she could suck her in deeper, but Jennifer just kept rubbing firm circles around the entrance, making Louise’s cunt clench and ache for more.